How to Treat People Who Have Mishandled You

Your greatest test in life will be how you handle people who mishandled you.

I often think about this quote. It’s one that has weighed heavily on my mind & heart. How should you deal with someone who has mistreated you in some way or another?

In 2019 and even earlier this year, I would have had several experiences where individuals not only hurt me in such ways but also took advantage of me. To make matters worse, those were individuals who I wouldn’t have ever imagined would intentionally hurt me. I won’t go into great detail, but of course, it resulted in me feeling incredibly wounded and confused.

So, how do we realistically deal with such a situation and move on?

I have learned, (the hard way I might add,) that the best way to treat people who have mishandled you is to forgive, show love, and move on. At this point you’re thinking, I am crazy and you’re probably just about ready to exit this blog post – DON’T!
In that moment of hurt, the last thing you want to do is be the bigger person and take the high road. Trust me – I KNOW! I remembered thinking for a specific situation that there must be a way for the person to feel just as badly as I did. As a matter of fact, how could I make them feel doubly as bad?

And that’s when it happened…

What you ask?

The undeniable voice of God commanding me to let go and let Him.

“No God, not this time…this is diff..”

“Charissa..”

“I can’t just let ***** win. It’s not fair. It’s not right. There’s no way…”

“Charissa!”

I remember at that moment weeping, not only because I was hurt, but because I was arguing with God himself. A place I rarely like to find myself. At the end of that episode, He left me with a thought. The sinful misconduct of one individual does not justify the misconduct of another. So basically, revenge was now out of the question. How could I respond in a Christlike manner? Which left – yep, you guessed it….forgiveness.

Now, by no means am I trying to say forgiveness happens two seconds later. Absolutely not – not for me at least. I first had to recognize what had happened and come to terms with it. That in itself takes time. For someone like myself, that usually involves a lot of overthinking and speculation. Personally, it involves me asking God to deliver me from the pain I may be feeling.

Secondly, I had to be real with myself and acknowledge any mistakes I may have made. Mistakes that could have led to another person eventually hurting me. While you as a person are not responsible for someone else’s actions, you have to still identify your influence and make a conscious decision to improve your own behavior. This means being more aware of situations. This is especially important if you decide on reconciling. Only after these two steps was I able to forgive.

Forgiveness is not for the other party, it’s truly for yourself and being able to let go of the wrong done against you. Imagine harboring all the pain you’ve ever experienced because of people treating you poorly? You’d surely become a mess of a person. It would also mean, that you haven’t been learning your lesson.

I’d just like to make it clear that forgiveness does not signify reconciliation. It does not mean you have agreed with another person’s wrongful doings or that you even want a close relationship with them. What it does mean, however, is that you have recognized something unjust has happened but despite it, you’re choosing to let go. Reconciliation should be a decision you make with God.

Similarly, once God allows it, I find nothing wrong with walking away from people who don’t value your presence in their lives. Sometimes, you could be listening and following everything God asks of you, but other parties don’t do the same. That could result in multiple occurrences of you being hurt – and enough is enough. God’s got you.

At the end of this entire process, I would want God to think that I handled the situation well – that I showed Christlike behavior. We are human and mistakes happen, so the execution may not always be flawless. Nevertheless, I’d want my Godly character to shine through. What is also important to me, is realizing that this is how I’d possibly want someone to treat me if I ever hurt or mistreated them. It’s something a lot of us sometimes forget to think about. Some of us mistreat others as well…

As I said, this is a process! Be calm, reflect, ask for deliverance, forgive, and move on chileee. I know, it’s easier said than done.

So, how do you deal with a person/persons who have mistreated you? Let me know what works for you!

Day four was heavy, so we’ll lighten the mood tomorrow for our final day of launch week!

Charissa xx